There is a strange atmosphere in the room. I think of earlier times, encounters, music. I think of friends who have already left, the farewells I had to say to dreams, hopes and wishes. “You can’t stop dreaming”, as the saying goes. And yes, I can physically feel the absence of dreams and couldn’t stop crying.
I quickly try not to allow myself to do so. Distract myself, watch something on YouTube. But it doesn’t work, because right here on YouTube I hear the songs that tell of farewells, of earlier times, of past happiness. And also, of the hope that is strong, that drives you on. These are artists from the past, only with different themes. As if we share the regret that nothing remains. But dark times have also passed, because the same applies to them: they don’t stay, they eventually make room for something else – perhaps something brighter.
Almost impulsively, I also see the new, the emerging, stories, encounters and opportunities and try not to think about the fact that sometimes it’s not worth the effort. And the future doesn’t fill me with peace either. Fast, digital and superficial, that’s how I sometimes describe it, without knowing it, without having made the effort to shape it.
And then I feel the melancholy takes over and the strength and energy return. Regret turns into gratitude for what I have experienced, treasures of the past, treasures that sustain me.
“We only have the present”, I read.
A squirrel sits in front of me, doesn’t allow itself to be disturbed, but simply continues to eat.
“We only have the present,” I think.
The mood changes. Past times fade, become foundations, unshakeable. The future is unclear, but confidence is back. Curious, full of enthusiasm, open, designing, creating, being grateful for what is no longer there because it was a burden and has now made way for something new.
“That’s the right spirit”, I think.
“We ONLY have the present”, I think.
“We have the present, without only”, I think.
And now – just like that – I finally know what that means.
Just a thought